From profanity to bloodsuckers

Yesterday did not improve. We had noticed a few days ago that our dog had a tick. At the time we didn't think too much about it. The situation changed drastically when I found a little bloodsucker attached to my calf. Hmm... imagine my excitement over that one. This spurred a frenzy of cleaning throughout the house. I would find one here or there and these were all small. No big deal, until I come to the rug partly under our bed where the larger bloodsuckers were hiding.

Enter slight panic attack/meltdown/Hare coming home from work to me losing my mind. He ended up going to the store to buy a variety of tick killing items, while I threw away everything on the floor, tore out the ugly brown carpet from the bathroom, put tons of clothes in laundry bags, the list goes on. This lasted until the wee hours in the morning. Once I did try to sleep, I couldn't because my crazy imagination felt them crawling all over me. I have never been so happy to go to work in the morning. I considered driving here last night to sleep on the couch in our breakroom. Hopefully the purchased items do their job before the kids come home from their dad's house this weekend. I would definitely have a panic attack seeing one in their hair. Yuck!

Plethora of profanity

If there were a day I needed to mentally rinse my mouth out with soap, it's today! Note the keyword, mentally... I didn't cuss out loud. The Hare wouldn't know what to do with competition in that category. Back on topic:

This morning was not my favorite. First of all I was planning to go to work an hour early to make up for being 3 hours late last week. The lateness was due to one of my MANY flat tire incidents, this time a truck tire. Bah.

No worries because I'm an early bird and was raring to go. After I filled up at the gas station, I accidentally hit the knob for 4LO. Hmm, no big deal just turn it back to normal. WRONG! Wouldn't turn back, well the knob would turn, but not the important mechanical part (transmission?) of it. I drove the whole way to work going 30mph. This was on the backroad that has a speed limit of 55. Awesome.

Once I got to work, I promptly whipped out my future librarian skills aka Google. Simple solution to my predicament. Put the truck in Neutral, then turn the knob. Duh, like I was supposed to know that. I had tried every other combination of tricks, just not this one. Bah.

Other than that, things are going great. You just might want to avoid me until the black thunderstorm cloud leaves my presence. The sarcasm might sting today. That's your only warning. ;)

Super frogs and monster moths

That's what I remember about my weekend. This time of year seems to bring out all the creepy creatures and reptiles. Yesterday I had a lizard run over my toe. It was like he didn't even see it there. Come on!

The Hare has proven himself useful once again. Today he learned how to change brake pads, thank you Harley Uncle. I bet the neighbors will be excited about that. They won't have to hear me coming down the street anymore.

I just remembered something super exciting! (This is how my brain works lately. Hum de humming along and then BAM, I remember something. It's great fun, unless I'm trying to think.) My mama's sister is the first B.W.L. participant. She sent this

You all better get excited about an receiving an ugly, homemade stuffed animal for Christmas. There's a good chance that one will be headed your way.

Today I got a paper cut. It hurts pretty bad.

Ms.Tortoise lineup...

Fantasy Football Championship here I come!!

Hasselbeck, Matt QB
Barber, Marion RB
Lewis, Jamal RB
Edwards, Braylon WR
Marshall, Brandon WR
Williams, Roy WR
Heap, Todd TE
Crosby, Mason K
Titans DEFENSE

Reserves:
Garcia, Jeff QB
Stewart, Jonathon RB
Porter, Jerry WR
Watson, Benjamin TE
Eagles DEFENSE

Grandpa Hare and I are determined to not let the Hare win. I know everyone will support me in this effort, so feel free to offer fantastic advice at anytime.

Coming to you from the Tortoise Archives

I was struggling with what to "paint" today, so I decided to feature some artwork from the Pregnant Bagpiper. I hope you enjoy her talent as much as I have.

The End. Hopefully she'll consider creating more. It's not like she's doing anything besides waiting around for that little girl to arrive.

P.S. I bet you'll never guess who the main character is... that's right, it's ME!

B.W.L. #4

I found this on Etsy and I love it! That's my name 'girl' and it's green with bubbly, flower like/maybe fish things. Just all around good stuff.


On the topic of 'girl', we had our niece (3years, blond, adorable, obviously spends way too much time around adults and not enough time with other kids + she has my name in a roundabout way and was born on my birthday) spend the night on Sunday. She's a little on the spoiled side, but you can't help indulging her. Her latest thing is to say 'girl' at the end of every sentence. All night long I heard, "Good job girl!", "I love ya girl!", and on and on. She's the greatest. I'm going to try to slowly adopt her without anyone realizing it. I wish we had room in the truck for her on the upcoming family visit, but we can only hold so many car seats. I guess we could tie the Hare to the roof, or the hitch. Although, I probably shouldn't terrorize the family with too many "guests".

Game on!

This is my first year taking part in a Fantasy Football league. I joined one with the Hare's grandpa and even though the Hare is already in another, he joined too. Now there's definitely some competition. He doesn't even know what's coming. I feel like a card shark. ha ha ha.

The draft is this Thursday, so I'm going to have to figure out what I want to wager real quick. I'll keep you updated on my weekly wins. Wish me luck!

The triple threat

Since my internet connection has been questionable on the weekends, I decided to post multiple times to make up for it. Don't you feel loved? You should. It's been hard work thinking about 3 different posts. The tile collection can be credited to a wonderful craigslist ad that said "FREE TILE! Come and get it." Needless to say, we did. Now we're waiting for an ad stating "Free grout". One day when we have time in the next few years, I'll have new bathroom floors. I'm excited.

The school situation is improving, I might get to register today. Of course the Hare's class is already full, so he'll probably have to wait until next semester to finish up. Looks like this Tortoise just might win the race!

Sharing the love

I was feeling a little greedy and selfish as I looked at the B.W.L. the other day. As my way of giving back, I'm letting the Hare put an item on the list. Since it's on my list, it should be given on my birthday. Anyway, of course he chose a super expensive item. The Hare doesn't mess around with his presents. This is a picture of his uncles latest toy and it's pretty awesome. I admit that I don't mind sharing the B.W.L. for this one. I don't remember all the important features of this Harley, but that it's a Harley and it's loud and I want to take a trip to visit the family on one of these. In the meantime, he can start saving his pennies.

Happy Belated 4th of July!

I just realized today that I hadn't posted any of our July 4th party pictures. I realize these aren't really up to par with you "camera snobs" out there, but it's the best we can do for the moment.

It started out as a beautiful day, but as the fireworks drew near, the weather became unpredictable. The wind and threat of lightening almost cancelled the event. Since we've living in a questionable part of town, they made the wise choice to just go through with it and put the firefighters on red alert.

This was the best shot that the Hare captured. We had a lot of fun sharing the excitement with the 'terrible twins'. Of course the Hare is a child hog when it comes to having fun. He doesn't really like to share, unless they stink. That's when I get to play.

The monsoon we were hoping for came the next night. The Hare was able to risk his life in order to catch some lightening shots. Considering the type of camera he uses, I'm pretty impressed he actually got this one and that it didn't kill him. I guess I have to keep waiting on the life insurance... maybe next time.

I'M KIDDING!

Looks like I may be moving...

First off, I should have created a KEY for this picture. There is a lot of explaining to do. This is my street in sunny AZ. The "quiet families" are people we rarely see, but are polite. The "brown dots" (not race specific, it's a variety) on the main street are people, usually under the influence of some drug. The only problem we have with this group is that they typically walk in the middle of the street at night. I have ALMOST hit someone once. The "nice family" has grass in the backyard and I'm jealous of their landscaping. The "nice couple/live plants" is just that. Their plants live and flourish. I don't understand it at all. Once again... jealousy. Notice that the "Hare family" has black spots, take a guess... DEAD PLANTS. I'm at fault. I don't have an excuse, other than I'm lazy. Which most of you already know about me. For the most part, we have really enjoyed living here. All the neighbors have been really nice, quiet and we all leave each other alone.

Enter "CRAZY!", (black lines=garbage) up until a few weeks ago they were another "quiet family", who sometimes sat outside for a smoke. They moved and now we don't know who this replacement is. They obviously didn't buy the house and I can't imagine renting to them. There's a couple and an older man. I think the woman works, but the men stay home all day, getting into who knows what kind of shenanigans. Yesterday I noticed the younger man run down the street. A few minutes later, the older man followed at a much slower shuffle. Then a police car came from the main road, stopped in front of MY house and reversed back the way he came. This happened again. The next time I looked out the window, there were 3 police cars next door. The "CRAZY" woman was outside on the phone, crying and throwing some sort of tantrum. Since I couldn't tell what was going on, I sat back down on the couch. Ten minutes later....

PRISONER TRANSPORT VAN

Are you kidding me? What's going on in my neighborhood? The other "nice family" neighbors started to get curious at this point, but I'm too shy to go get the gossip. The Hare is in charge of that tonight. I want the normal neighbors to come home. Why did they leave and let these people take over our nice, quiet, dead-end street? Hopefully things calm down and the delusional street walkers don't start detouring our way.

Oh happy day!

Albert Schweitzer: Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

George Burns: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Mark Twain: Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Norman MacEwan: Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

The Tortoise: Happiness is submitting a tuition waiver for Fall 2008 and seeing your charges drop from $4000 to $1600. Hip, Hip, Hooray!

More information please.

I had the bingo dream again. Only this time, the Hare woke me up before I won my money. Rude. I've been having this dream so many times I was curious if it means something. I sure haven't won yet. I was very disappointed that there wasn't an entire section explaining Bingo Dreams, but I settled with Winning Money...

To see or win money in your dream, symbolizes that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money may represent confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself.

Turns out the dream interpreter isn't much help at all. I already knew that stuff. I want to know when I'm going to win Bingo. The day, time, which casino, hmmph.

Another astroslam...

I'm taking a class this summer called Witchcraft and Heresy in Renaissance Europe. As the MOST IMPORTANT part of my studies, I decided I need to continue reading the horoscope section. My favorite is the Astroslam. Here is Scorpio's for today:

If you want to convince people to do things your way, you're going to have to find some supporters first. Yeah, good luck with that. Everyone thinks you're freakin' nuts.

I just can't figure out how they are exactly right, everytime. It's like they know me. Don't worry, I'm going back to my real homework right now.

What a combination!

For some strange reason this apron speaks to me. I don't know if it's the cupcakes, orange skirt or the rickrack, but I love it. I don't think I would actually wear it, because I would rather wipe my hands off on my back pockets while cooking. Wouldn't it look so cute hanging on the wall, just waiting to be used. I don't think this one is going to make it to the B.W.L, it's not that high of a priority yet.

Someone does love me...

There might be a winner for the first participant of the B.W.L. One of my long lost relatives has shown some interest in an item previously showcased. We'll have to wait and see.

An even more exciting bit of news from this lovely lady, is she introduced me to a new-to-me website: KnitPicks. I can't stop looking at it. There's just so many options. Even if she doesn't become the first B.W.L. participant, she has moved up a level in my book just by providing this life altering information.

Dear Mrs. Frost,

I was struggling with what to "draw" today, when I noticed the comment you left on an older post. So, here's my version of your big belly in a tree. You deserve a jacuzzi, instead of the regular old washtub. I also felt like you would appreciate a bathing suit. I'm hoping you're not into scaring the neighbors like you used to with your constant nudity. I still wanted to show off the every popular outie belly button. It's always a crowd pleaser. I hope you can clear some room off the fridge for this one. If I'm ever in town, I'll be sure to stop by and sign your copy.

Love always, The Tortoise

It's official!

I'm not having children. Alright, I'm willing to compromise. I will only have children if I can have a contract that states, "They will never have the stomach flu or food poisoning." Basically I don't want stuff coming out of their mouth. I don't think that is too much to ask. 3 year old twins throwing up (multiple times!!) is inappropriate behavior in my house. I just can't handle it.

The power of positive thinking

While reading my daily horoscope, I found this: The Daily AstroSlam. Here are a few examples of what you can enjoy.

Yesterday: Don't dive headfirst into a new health regimen today. Your muscles might go into shock since it's been so long since you last attempted to do anything physical.

Today: You're more easily agitated than Oscar the Grouch today. I suggest that you hide in that trash can you call home until you can find it within your heart to be nice to people.

Tomorrow: You'll act totally irrational today. Not that it's a new mood for you. Try to remain level-headed so you don't go off the deep-end. Chances are, you'll hit your head.

It's sad how accurate these are. I'm worried about tomorrow...

I know, I know, too many for one day.

This etsy site has the cutest stuff. I want to start making these things or buy all of them.
Handmade By Angela

B.W.L. #2

Here are a few items I've been drooling over. I felt like you deserved a few options. I don't want to box you into purchasing something you don't feel is just right


I've been wanting to make crazy little animals.

I'm accepting subscriptions to this magazine.

These animals are even cuter! Look, there's a hare!

I'm definitely uncommon. Choose whichever one you think I will enjoy and I guarantee it will be cherished.

Another addition to the family zoo

In case you couldn't tell, this is an ant farm. I now own one, in my very own home. Who's to blame, you wonder? The Pregnant Bagpiper. This is what happens when a long lost friend moves into the same vicinity as the Mama Tortoise. Crazy ideas get shared and passed along to unsuspecting children.

The ant farm is actually pretty cool. The problem is that I only own the clear case of green, radioactive goo. I have to send for the ants. Hopefully I remember to put that on my to do list, or else it will remain on my fireplace as a radioactive artpiece.

This reminds me of a cartoon that the Pregnant Bagpiper drew about the Scorpion Queen and Radioactive Girl. I will have to post that series another day.

"The fool that eats till he is sick must fast till he is well." George W. Thornbury

Word of the Day: Gluttony: excess in eating or drinking

There are 3 main things that happen when Mama and Papa Tortoise visit.
1. Go to the movies, probably one they have already seen.
2. Bowling
3. Gluttony

All in all, it was another successful visit!